Yes, the World.

5 professions the internet has most annoyed

1. Doctors

I think doctors are great and they know a lot. But then they can’t know more than google right?

Anyway, point being, the internet allows us to figure out what’s wrong with us and what to do about it. It doesn’t replace doctors of course. But imagine having to deal with a patient who tells you to check for so and so complication because Maria in Brazil suffered from it last year .. so says google.

So I won’t blame the doctors if they hate the internet and the free and perhaps inaccurate medical advice it brings.

2. Teachers

I remember telling a professor at MICA that now that the internet rules our lives, we no longer need teachers. Err.. after all we can learn from the web, right?

Sure the internet lets teachers access amazing study material from across the world. But it also lets students know more about stuff than their teachers. Imagine telling a class about Shakespeare for the first time and having a kid quote Macbeth to you off the net.

I think the internet is forcing teachers to evolve. They can no longer be information gatherers.

3. Quizzers

I’m no quizzer. I never have been. I find it impossible to retain information and I lost the only quiz I ever participated in. I remember my partner giving me the stink-eye after I passed every question. (Sorry little boy who had to team up with me. You were good but so was I. They just didn’t ask the right questions!)

Anyway, I think that the internet takes away from quizzing too. While it’s a wonder that someone knows the names of so many of the capitals of the world, I think it was a bigger wonder that the person put it all together. Google surely takes away from that. No?

4. Match makers

I am told that earlier every village had a match maker. A man who was often a postman or a barber, would know the inside scoop on families. He would help out in suggesting matches. The internet sure did him in.

5.___________ So while I’d have loved this post to be about 5 I couldn’t think of anything. So help me out a little

Kunal says it’s the postman. Poor chap can’t even ask for bakshish anymore

getmooh.com – ‘get me out of here’

Friends don’t come through for us all the time.

When we need to be saved from a sticky situation and tell a friend to give us an emergency call to get us away, chances are the friend will already be on the phone with her boyfriend and will forget about you.

So then why not just eliminate the friend altogether … in this situation only and of course i don’t mean eliminate eliminate.

Enter getmooh.com. A service that lets you set a time for your escape call. getmooh then calls you at the specified time and plays a voice recording which by the way you can select.

So it sounds great and I’ve sent one for 11:01 today (IST? GMT?). Let’s see what happens. Though I must admit, I got a rather blank page after I set it all up.

Hope I get the call, else they just fooled me into giving away my mobile number for some evil marketer’s evil purposes. *fingers crossed*

Update. To answer all the people who’ve been asking me if I got the call… I have not received the call yet (sigh). I’m guessing it runs on a different timezone. Will keep everyone updated.
Final Update. Okay so I never received a call. if anyone else tries it out and it actually works, lemme know.

The online outcast

So you thought that the net was all-inclusive. Was meant to empower everyone. And you were rid of anything and everything that divides people in real life.

Tch Tch. Come now. Let’s not be naïve.

Here is a list of things that might make one an online outcast (no offence)

1. If you don’t have a gmail ID

What’s your gmail? Oh what? No mail? You’re on yahoo. Err.. (almost asked why) okay.

2. If you’re not on any social networking site

What’s your facebook? Err… I’m not on facebook. Isn’t that a waste of time? :O

Recently a long lost NRI brother got in touch and was shocked to see me on facebook. Cuz after all, wasn’t facebook for ‘cool’ people he said. ouch.

3. If you don’t use firefox

4. If you still use yahoo messenger

Gawd! Didn’t those cute little yellow smileys die a horrible death after gtalk was born?

Update. Thank you Prof Falguni

5. If you know what a bank passbook is
Dude. it’s so not cool to have a bank pass book. I mean, save the trees and ask them to email it to your yahoo ID hyuk hyuk

For additions to the list mail me @sonaljhuj@ you know what

Sometimes it sucks that the internet remembers everything

Let’s face it, we’ve googled ourselves at some point or the other. It’s cool to see that we exist on the internet and google identifies us as a piece in the world wide web.

And of course with each episode of googling, sometimes a link about you surfaces which could be embarrassing. Like being ranked in the last quartile on an afaqs! quiz years go (that’s me). Or seeing a link of a weird college video you once posted and are now ashamed of. The internet doesn’t forget much.

I was reading the story of a mother pregnant with a child who has congenital heart disease. She wants it aborted but the courts just ruled that she can’t. Hopefully the child will grow up and live as normal a life as once can hope for in this situation. Which brings me to the unfortunate point that when the child grows up and googles his family how will he/she react to the information that his parents didn’t want him born?

Sure once he/she grows up, he/she might understand and empathize with his/her parents’ situation. But when the child’s young, who’s to stop it from reading the nationwide online debate about his/her abortion.

For the child’s sake I wish the internet suffers from amnesia this one time.

PS: I’m afraid I’ve only added to the ‘internet’s memory’ with this post

Update. Couple of links (Cached pages, Deleting things from google) for those who want to read more about google cache and how not to let it remember things long after you’ve deleted them. Thanks for the links Namit.

Update. The lady carrying the child in question here has suffered a miscarriage. I suppose that closes this debate… for now.

It’s my brand

Agencies have long been telling clients that the brand no longer belongs to a company but instead belongs to the people who use it, view its ads and spread the word.

With the internet, the consumer’s voice has only gotten stronger by the byte. And though companies are obviously not ready to surrender their billion dollar brands to the people, in some cases they are left with no choice.

After tonnes of people voiced their displeasure over the TVC, Verizon decided that it was best to just yank it off air. An example of a company bowing down to the consumer. Of course this has happened tonnes of times before. But it’s quite cool that with the help of the internet consumers can help shape the brand and what it should stand for. In most situations it would work best for both parties.

Yes, there may be that chance that a brand will be vandalized, but brands can still attempt to relinquish control, one baby step at a time.

Passion works both ways – II

In Part – I of this post I’d talked about how silly ads and marketing strategies piss people off, enough for them to switch their brands for good.

People may love a brand but they also have an equal tendency to hate it with all their heart and soul.

Here is another example of a woman who got mighty annoyed at the whisper ‘ have a happy period’ global campaign. (shared with me by Prof Falguni Vasavada)

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always’ maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants. Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse’? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call ‘an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.’ Isn’t the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo’. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants… Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: ‘Have a Happy Period.’ Are you **ing kidding me?

What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness – actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything ‘happy’ about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like ‘Put down the Hammer’ or ‘Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong’, or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that’s a promise I will keep. Always.

Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

Do share any more example of people switching brands because of its advtsg. Thanks!
You can read Part – I here.

The ‘e-mail-a-marketer’ experiment

I was watching this Jaffe Juice video on how companies are clueless about how to deal with their consumers since thanks to the internet they now have a voice (OMG!).

I decided to put that to test in India. You know, write a few mails and see what I get.

So I picked three companies. No, I did not want this to be a personal agenda against a company that I despised anyway. So I picked three that I positively loved.

Company #1

(snacksmart)

I’m a chips junkie and I figured it’d be great to just mail them and check up on why they aren’t selling any Uncle Chipps (which is the best!) in half the country.

Company #2

I love my chocolates too. And having seen their advertising about the Cadbury Lite, I figured I’d ask a bit more about the product.

Company #3

Since I don’t work in pest control, my love for Mortein might seem strange. But trust me, when you’re living alone in the mumbai monsoon (with no mom to rescue you from cockroaches and rats) you need your Mortein! I wrote to them with a query about their rat poison.

And here is what I got

Lays The mail bounced back.

Cadbury Server error.

Mortein No reply.

While more and more marketers rush to climb on to the digital wagon, they forget that sometimes just simple old emails do the trick. When I wrote this, I assumed they would at least send a reply, even if it was stupid.

Picsquare once answered my email within 20 minutes of my query. Oh and it wasn’t an automated reply.

Update. When Kapil didn’t receive a DVD with his magazine copy from Infomedia, the company actually sent him a copy with their next issue. Wonder when the sleeping marketing giants will wake up and smell the coffee.

Update 2. Kapil also shared this interesting post by Jenny and Dave who talk of the amazing customer service in India. It’s a unique take and a must read.

PS: is anyone else has had such an experience, mail me. I’ll add it to the list.

twitter article in the news

An article on twitter that I and my boss wrote was published in livemint and is now also on scott goodson’s blog. how cool is that!

Ajanta Hotel takes to the web

I came across a banner ad for a hotel in Delhi and I’m not sure what it was about the ad, but I clicked. And I’m glad I did. Ajanta hotel is perhaps the best example of an Indian Hotel using the web to its max potential.

A quick look at the site and you’ll find video testimonials, quick-booking and even a ‘send-an-sms-feature’(though I wonder why).

Clearly this hotel is looking to attract the foreign travellers and they’re doing it well.

The Hotel has a page on facebook, it supports UNICEF and is pet friendly as well. The perfect triple sundae to get those foreign tourists salivating.

Now that’s a businessman, who knows his TG well and is going all out to make it known. And yes their online banners show a nice picture of a clean hotel and their emphasis on ‘budget hotel’ sure made me click.

I’m really impressed by the way the hotel has taken to the internet and has said all the right things.

Their homepage is perfect and tells me everything I need to know. Their booking system is lovely and even shows you thumbnails of rooms to help you decide which one to pick. While booking you can even add a trip to agra if you wish.

That’s a wow for a little hotel in New Delhi.

there’s something about twitter

Wassup?!

Wassup is the most asked question among pals and one that provides answers from ‘nothing much’ to ‘thinking about the meaning of life’.

But what if you have too-long a friend-list and can’t ask all your pals this all-important life-changing-question?

Enter twitter. It’s a site that basically ‘wassup’s your friends all day long and lets you read their answers if you choose to subscribe (follow: in twitter parlance).

Twitter lets you publish updates about your life in 140 characters or less to family or friends who choose to follow you. (people on your twitter contact list are called followers)

All you need to do is answer the question. ‘what are you doing?’ through your phone, messenger, site or even email.

‘Life happens between blogs and email’

As Common Craft puts it, ‘Life happens between blog posts and emails’. And it is this life between the blog and email that twitter lets you publish.

While many people send out updates like “had an amazing cup of coffee” or “going for a jog”, twitter is increasingly being used by people to share their thoughts and links to things they are reading.

There are many benefits to twitter, other than of course keeping up with the lives of your pals.

For one, it’s easy. With technology at our beck and call, we’re pretty much a lazy people. Blogs of 300 words or more are passé with people turning to micro-blogging from the comfort (or the stylus-inflicted awkwardness) of their mobile phones.

It’s a bird. It’s a plane. No, it’s twitter!

Saving men, helping the helpless, almost sounds like superman.

Twitter recently saved a man from jail and got an unemployed person the job of his dreams. A man who was jailed in Egypt sent frantic tweets (updates) and his ‘followers’ (contacts) mobilized forces to get him out of jail. Another man in the US sent out a minute-by-minute update of the day he was laid off by Yahoo! His followers were glued to their screens as he sent updates about packing his belongings, meeting HR and leaving office. Before he knew it, job offers from helpful netizens were pouring in!

Of course this doesn’t mean that all the one million twitter members get such dramatic results through their tweets. Why then does twitter generate so much interest?

Thoughts. Ideas. Conversations.

Twitter ignites new thinking, conversations and ideas. It allows people from across the world to come together and share their thoughts and lives. It brings together people and their ideas which lead to newer conversations and lines of thought.

Twitter lets you follow the most creative, bizarre, new-age thinkers on the internet. So if you’re bored of getting the same old updates from friends, you can follow some CEOs, inventors, thinkers.

Follow Scott Goodson (CEO, Strawberry Frog) on twitter and

you’ll get updates about what he’s reading, thinking or doing. It’s pretty much like being with the person 24*7, only that they choose what you get to see.

Twitter’s also great for self promotion and resource sharing. You can send updates about your company, your work or share links to resources that are of value to you and your followers.

Tweeting brands

Brands too have jumped headlong into twitter and few are faring well.

Some twitter users believe that brands that exist on twitter are ‘lame’ since they aren’t people and are pretending to be part of a conversation where big corporates don’t belong.

American airline, Delta Airlines is on twitter and sends our tweets about offers, promos and other airline related information.

Tony Hsieh, CEO of popular online company specializing in footwear – Zappos, is on twitter too, though his tweets are as much personal as professional. He has a whopping 7000+ followers. What that does f

or his brand is debatable, but here’s a CEO striking a conversation with his TG in a space of their choice.

Twitter it right

As much as I may love twitter, there are enough people who hate it. Complaints about receiving silly updates like ‘in the loo’, ‘eating a muffin’ are aplenty in twitter world. But then twitter is a network, and a network is only as good as the people in it. Pick the right ones to follow and you may just find yourself tweeting gladly in twitter world.

Oh and for those who hate the 140 character limit, there are always blogs…

PS: the Zappos CEO is now following me on twitter… it doesn’t mean much since he follows many, but it’s a step in the right direction for the brand.

NOTE: twitter works on the give and take principle, so follow a couple of people to have people follow you. You can’t hoard in the internet space you know!