Yes, the World.

facebook’s made aunties out of you

I remember being a terrified 15yr old who couldn’t wait to get away from the neighbourhood aunty whose only purpose in life (or so it seemed), was to ask me which college I was planning on going to. At the time I remember marveling at her cheek. As if planning to get into a college was all it took. I remember feeling stressed about my exam results not because I cared about which college would have me (I never ended up doing engg anyway) but because of what that aunty would say.

Cut to 2011 and the aunty hasn’t met me in over 8 yrs but it’s as if magically her spirit seems to have split 400 different ways and turned into my Facebook contacts. Suddenly I didn’t just have to answer to the aunty. Now I had to answer to the 400 people who I don’t even remember anymore, demanding I go to South Africa for a holiday because switzerland was made uncool by Yash Raj.

We were answerable to that aunty when we were kids, and we’re answerable now to our ‘friends’ who sit around the world staring at their phones/computers and judging us for what we do and don’t do.

While we may have escaped forced morality by breaking away from our extended family, we seem to have gladly acquired a new set of friend-like facebook profiles whose sole purpose in life is to praise us for our sexiness (yes, that’s about that new pouting FB profile picture you put up) or to judge us for not having had that phoren holiday or not putting up pictures of those colourful shots that are so crucial to down for an FB album.

These aunties forced us to compete. And these FB friends are doing that now.

And not unconsciously, mind you. Very willingly. licking-their-lips-waala consciously. Pushing others into an imagined life of un-happening-ness.

Did you enjoy the feeling of staring at the mountain top in Leh as much as you enjoyed the envious ‘Likes’ from your fellow friends?

Are you living your life to please your facebook aunties. Or are you living it because it makes sense to you?

Just asking.

You know you’re in the corporate world when…

1. You start to look forward to the weekend from Monday itself

2. Repeating someone else’s idea louder than them, makes it your own

3. Saying polite hellos in the washroom is actually required

4. You’re giving ‘downloads’ at meetings instead of just ‘talking’

5. You smile and say your hellos to everyone and it’s called ‘networking’

6. You have to book a room 2 days in advance if a few of you just want to meet up and chat

7. The louder you talk, the more confident you seem and nobody tells you to keep it down

8. If you are upset you’re actually ‘stressed out’

9. Nobody bothers you if you have a scary looking excel sheet on your computer

10. You look happy and people wonder if you’re in denial

The online outcast

So you thought that the net was all-inclusive. Was meant to empower everyone. And you were rid of anything and everything that divides people in real life.

Tch Tch. Come now. Let’s not be naïve.

Here is a list of things that might make one an online outcast (no offence)

1. If you don’t have a gmail ID

What’s your gmail? Oh what? No mail? You’re on yahoo. Err.. (almost asked why) okay.

2. If you’re not on any social networking site

What’s your facebook? Err… I’m not on facebook. Isn’t that a waste of time? :O

Recently a long lost NRI brother got in touch and was shocked to see me on facebook. Cuz after all, wasn’t facebook for ‘cool’ people he said. ouch.

3. If you don’t use firefox

4. If you still use yahoo messenger

Gawd! Didn’t those cute little yellow smileys die a horrible death after gtalk was born?

Update. Thank you Prof Falguni

5. If you know what a bank passbook is
Dude. it’s so not cool to have a bank pass book. I mean, save the trees and ask them to email it to your yahoo ID hyuk hyuk

For additions to the list mail me @sonaljhuj@ you know what

ever notice how people…

1. Repeatedly press the button to call the lift, till
a. The button falls off
b. Lift arrives

2. Refuse to move to the back of the lift when new people enter it
a. Gaze at the ceiling till people stop expecting them to move back
b. Shuffle one step to the right and one to the left and pretend to have helped the situation

3. Want to be the first to get into a lift and the last to get off it

4. Fight for a place to sit in a crowded train, but love to stand at the door when there are enough available seats

5. Overtake slower people while walking, only to slow down once ahead

6. Show-off their escalator-riding-perfection (complete with chin high and hand on hip) when a first-timer is struggling to climb on

Update by Saad

7. As the number of floors a lift stops at increases, so does the probability of a person referring to it as a “passenger train”. Even though he/she has probably never been on a passenger train for year (if ever).

The probability of other people actually finding this funny is directly proportional to the probability of that person being their boss.

us dilliwaalas

Fly You Fools – An Indian Webcomic about Life.

you’re not being served, because i haven’t a clue how

Hi

I am planning a trip to Egypt this winter.
I couldn’t find the prices for your Egypt tour on your website.
Could you please mail me some details.

Thank you
Rita Keeling
(UK)

______________________________________________________

Dear Rita

Thank you for your mail.
Please visit our website for information.
www.ihaventaclueaboutcustomerservice.com

Warm regards
Big Brand Pvt Ltd

i no speaka da english

1. you didnt understand a thing
2. you don’t know about the fuel crisis
3. you think sonal has a shitty sense of humour (hmph)

Language just evolves so much. I remember when during my teenage ‘move it’ and ‘cool it’ were very popular terms though I was never sure what the ‘it’ was. I even recall telling a cow to ‘move it’ as it struggled past our car, leaving me with an LOLing family and a rather bewildered cow that went WTF!

Meet Jensport, Jansport’s Indian sister.

In India we love our brands. We love them so much that we want them to have a family.

This is Espreet, Esprit’s Punjabi aunt.

Or this is Adidash, Adidas’ sprinter brother.

Once upon a time

Jensport and Jansport lived in the US. They were very close to each other and looked so much alike that often people confused one for the other.

When Jansport became really famous and started visiting countries across the world, jensport realized that she could do the same in India by allowing people to mistake her for her sister.

But this was not done for any personal benefit. In fact Jensport came to India much before her sister Jansport and helped build the ground for her sister’s success. Indians soon got to know that someone by the name ‘Jansport’ existed all because of Jensport.

Needless to say, Jensport’s frayed clothes and tattered ends helped people realize that Jansport (the pretty, colourful one) was the true star and they soon began to aspire to meet Jansport instead.

Soon Jansport achieved celebrity status without doing a thing. Sure sure, Jensport did make a quick buck and earn cheap publicity, but she did it all for Jansport.

May every brand find a sister as true as her. *(Love thy clone)*

BREAKING NEWS: digital natives’ super powers discovered!

It has come to our attention that digital natives possess the super power to automatically block any online banner advertising.

It seems at least 600 marketers have been fired, though reports coming in claim that the actual number is much higher.

Listen up all digital media specialists, marketers, offline-but-wanting-to-go-online-planners.

Sonal Jhuj reports: “While marketers are busy buying millions worth of banner space over the internet, news has just come in that all digital natives in fact have the capacity to ignore it.

Surprisingly they do not ignore online advertising consciously. It seems that this is an ability that functions without the individual even being aware of it.

This is a worrying sign for marketers.

i-spent-4million-on-banner-space-marketer says “How can they not see the banner! It’s ridiculous”

digital native, Ajinkya looks puzzled, “banner? Hmm?”

Keep watching, we’ll be back after a short break. Luckily for us, there exists no super power for you to ignore the TVC.

Muahaha

… Damn they found the remote!”