Yes, the World.

The question of beauty

I met a 13 yr old girl once in order to interview her for some research work. I can’t remember her name or where exactly she lived. But I’ll never forget the way she sat in her living room with her hair neatly tied and her course books lining the background and looked me in the eye and said, ‘i’m not beautiful like my friends’.

Her matter-of-fact confession seemed such a statement of fact than an admission of low self-esteem that it shook me. I don’t think I said much to comfort her. She wasn’t looking to be advised or comforted. She was simply stating something that she believed to be true.

What makes a 13 yr old beautiful girl accept with unquestioning loyalty, the thought that she is not beautiful?

Over the years, many people have spoken about the beauty within. Or about beauty that lies in the eye of the beholder. The trouble with these concepts is tht nobody will listen. These statements demand far too much work from the listener. For one,t his concept demands that you be okay with just inner beauty. When I buy a new shampoo I’m buying it for my hair. I’m buying it to change something about me for the better. The desire to change and to improve is so strong at that moment that no amount of beauty I may have stuffed inside me will help me change my mind.

So if millions of women across the world aren’t listening to this advce, maybe then, the advice itself is wrong.

What really is the trouble with beauty today? There’s nothing wrong with a teen girl wanting to cut her hair short so that it shapes her face beautifully. But there is something wrong with an 8 yr old girl trying botox. Perhaps the notion of beauty as an ideal state needs challenging. But then as humans, we’re always aspiring for the ideal. Perhaps then the notion that there is only one kind of beauty, needs challenging.

Real beauty, then, is perhaps really about acceptance. Accepting your grey hair. Accepting that those stretch marks are a part of you. That they add character and tell the story of where you have been and what you have experienced. Real beauty is in knowing that the acne marks don’t need to be scraped off with chemical peels because they speak of your struggles during your teen years. Wiping your body clean of its past will not always give you a fresh start, it might however wipe away parts of you that make you who you are.

Real beauty is about accepting your body, your soul for what it is. There will always be scope for improvement. You can always try and be a better person or one that you consider more beautiful. But the day that desire to improve comes from a sense of inferiority, you’ll end up chasing a dream that was never really yours.

If I could go back to that 13 yr old girl, I’d say this – find the time to love things about yourself and you’ll be surprised at how much beauty you already possess. I’m sure she wouldn’t listen. Perhaps then as adults it’s our duty to not point out every thing that we think young girls don’t have. It’s time we put up neon signs to show them the amazing things they already have.

______

For those who believe in the cause, look for Project Beautiful Me on Facebook. It’s a small something I’m trying to do.

Also Dove’s running a campaign where they’re asking people what they think of Real Beauty and I’m cross-posting this there. If this is a cause someone in India is willing to take seriously, then I’m with that. Totally.

happy and happening on facebook :|

I’ve had many discussions with people on whether our online world is the real world. People who breathe facebook and twitter will look at you with contempt if you bring this up. Surely you aren’t insinuating that spending all their time on FB is fake!

The debate of what’s your real life and what’s just ‘timepass’ is not about to die anytime soon. There are enough social media experts (there’s one behind every twitter ID) who’ll scoff at the very suggestion that the virtual isn’t real.

I frankly don’t care about that debate too much. Everything’s real if that’s how you feel about it.

However one thing does bother me. And it’s been written about plenty but this is my blog so I’m allowed to repeat it

It bothers me that we aren’t who we really are online. To be precise, we aren’t who we really are on social networking sites. I’ve had the most real conversations on chat or any such medium where it was a one on one or where my closest circle had access. However what makes a social networking site like FB so unreal is that it doesn’t have the circles of trust that help us define our social circle.

I admit that I don’t know all the options and settings available on FB so you’ll have to overlook that.

Here’s what I think. In real life (or offline if you will), we are joined at the hip with some people, hold some at an arm’s length, others we politely nod a hello to and some we just don’t know. I am willing to tell the first and the last in that list about my latest heartbreak because the first will care and help me and the latter will be faceless and allow for an emotional outburst with little or no consequences. It’s the ones in the middle that I’ll have to be careful about.

When a status message/picture of an intensely personal nature finds itself in the facebook stream of all your friends, I wonder if it’s been put there because of what you want to project about yourself and your life or whether you are truly that close to the 498 friends on FB that you want them to know everything about you.

Let’s face it. Unlike the young people today, we weren’t born breathing the internet. We adapted to it and made it our own. So perhaps we still struggle with define our circles online.

Your real friends know who you are. They know where you went for new yr’s eve. They may not know what you wore, so it’s fair to show them your pictures. But why does that old classmate from class 4 who you haven’t met since need to know that you wore a black halter? And why does it excite you to see all your friends rave about how hot you look, as you reply with ‘thank you’s at lightening speed. You were waiting with baited breath to watch people admire your lifestyle no? Waiting to be told how awesome you are?  You knew you looked hot in that picture else it would have never made it on facebook. I’ve seen enough photo-sessions that end with ‘don’t you dare put that on facebook!’

So when so much of what we do on facebook is to project a happy and happening image of ours does that make it real? Are we that happy and happening?

i will yell.

I yelled at a man today. In a crowded first class compartment, I was the only woman at 11:30pm. And I yelled at him. For staring. For making me uncomfortable. For not having the courtesy to at least disguise his curiosity.

He didn’t care.

He stared. He knew I was uncomfortable, yet he stared. He knew it made me uneasy, he stared all the more. Relishing my discomfort.

I wanted to let it be. Didn’t my mom always tell me to ‘just ignore’. But I just know I can’t. Can’t ignore. So I yelled.

He pretended to not hear me. As I stood there wondering what would possess a middle aged man to stare at a woman that way. He pretended innocence. He didn’t plead it. He pretended.

His casual jerk of the wrist said he was looking outside and not at me. His nonchalance angered me. Really? Was it that easy to pretend it never happened?

Discomfort. Anger. Disgust. Shame. It always works in that order.

Shame. For allowing a man to make me uncomfortable. For giving him the power to make me feel vulnerable.

Power. What a political word. what a political relationship. Between a man and a woman.

I’ve been told that my yelling at these lecherous men will help. I doubt it. Really. But I wish someday I won’t be made uncomfortable. Not because men will start to respect the female body. But because I will not allow them the power.

Until then, I will yell.

the indian middle class & its disappearing status

I’ve been reading mother pious lady by santosh desai and the more he brings the Indian middle class to life, the more I worry for them.

The middle class is in the middle. But of course. It’s in the middle of a sea change in attitude toards money, sex, relationships, television and savings.

It’s being crushed under the weight of ambitions of a constantly changing world. The middle class has always been happy and cocooned, hoping for all the other classes at the extreme ends of the spectrum to take the first hit. Anything that reaches them, they have time to prepare for.

No wonder the new world order scares them a bit. Terrifies them perhaps. Nowhere is it more evident than in a middle class man’s clutching of his social status.

While the rich and the blue blooded might want to lay claim to ‘status’, it’s really ever truly been the mistress of the middle class. In being middle class there is an acknowledgement of class. More than any other social class, it’s the ones in the middle who’re always aware of the classes that sandwich them. The aunty next door still feels it’s her right to talk about her maid as ‘kaamchor’. The professional in a queue for autos still feels it’s his right to employ these lower class people.
With plumbers asking you to book them weeks in advance and autorickshaws passing you by as you sweat your 2 km walk, the middle class is floundering in an increasingly classless society.

Let’s not call it classless, but it’s a class now based on income and lifestyle and not from occupation. Put a middle class Indian in the company of working class and he’ll expect a distance to be maintained between him and the other.

Remember the first low cost flights? The upper middle class Indian clambered on as if it were natural for him to sprout wings and fly while glaring at the lower middle class which seemed to find seats right next to him.

The they-work-for-us attitude has comforted middle class India. It’s been the one constant. The one thing that

comforted them when their pursuit of all things high class was unsuccessful. They work for us. We are the king of something. Something small. But something.

I met Ishwarchand yesterday. He’s a rickshaw driver and unprovoked made the most important comment on our times.

He said ‘ab toh rickshawalla bhi afsar jitna kamata hai. tabhi aap log ko chalna padta hai’ explaining why rickshawallahs have the upper hand and we find it impossible to find one to take us home.

He went on helpfully adding ‘do minute bhi nahin milta. Sawari bahut zyada hi milti hai’.

India is trying to shine across classes. It works for Ishwarchand. For my uncle from mohali, it does not.

Middle class India is accustomed to being needed. The tables are turning. Will they just smile and nod and take it in their stride or sit at dinner parties and crib about their maid’s attitude?

woman, be a man

The more I learn about the world, the more I’m convinced that women don’t know how to be free.

Don’t get me wrong, women want to be free. We just don’t know how. The only ‘free’ people we’ve seen are men and we often unwittingly model ourselves on them.

I can’t speak for most women, but from what I’ve seen, women tend to over-do the i’m-a-liberated-woman-and-an-equal part.

Some women who climb the corporate ladder in a room full of men, become men. They behave like men. They talk like them. Crack the jokes that men would. And more often that not, put other women down, the way a group of all-men might.

It’s as if they don’t want to be women any more. Because either being womanly doesnt get you to the top or it doesn’t let you show the world how much you have progressed in life.

But are you really free as a woman, if you have to become a man for it?

And are you really a free woman if you need to put down other women for it too?

If the genders in corporate India are equal, why does one gender still strive to be like another?

Why do most of the women who’ve risen to the top resemble their male counterparts so much?

I’m sure the feminists didn’t burn bras hoping for a mastectomy.

Where are all the regular women. Who are normal. Who are people first.

Where are all the women who are truly free. Who needn’t talk about another woman’s ‘ass’ just to get into a high-powered male clique.

Where are the women? No, really.

Present India’s un-collective consciousness

Gone are the days when Ramayan meant pin-drop silence and staring at the TV in rapt attention. Gone are the evenings when gullies would go quiet as everyone wished Sachin a century.

With proliferation of media and tailor-made everything, India’s collective conscious has reduced to the size of a pea. There was a time when what everyone watched on TV last night was Close-up Antakshri or Philips Top 10. That’s what kids spoke about, that’s what mothers discussed and that’s what years later endured in all their memories.

Entertainment, advertising and media in general, accounts not just for our present but helps build memories for tomorrow and provides a country with a collective consciousness that binds them together. Brands that have been a part of that live on.

But in today’s India not only is the divide between the rich and the poor excessive to say the least, it is also just as extreme between a metro-mini-metro, metro-metro, north Bombay- south Bombay, Sidhi garden-mahavir enclave…

When was the last time Bollywood, India’s dream generator, gave the country a nation-wide hit? When was the last time a movie had people queuing up not only at multiplexes but at that run-down theatre in Bathinda too?

People are busy opposing Telangana and Gorkhaland when the boundaries in their collective experiences have long been formed and have led to a disintegration of the collective consciousness of India. No wonder today, that Phir Mile Sur Mera Tumhara doesn’t give you goose bumps. No wonder, today then, that not everyone has even seen Phir Mile Sur Mera Tumhara.

But then how does it affect us in advertising?

Sample the current twitter tag of ‘#iconic ads’ and you’ll find people reliving ads that spoke to them all. From Deepikaji to ‘papa ki karan petrol khatam hi nahin hunda’. Ads that they all remember. Ads they all enjoyed. Ads that form a part of this collective consciousness.

If there really is very little that binds us all, then perhaps this is both a challenge and an opportunity for brands to bring us together. To be the common thread that expands these silos.

With advertisers spending a lot of time identifying the exact target group right down to the underwear they wear, there seems to be a serious risk of dividing people into boxes that probably exist only in our heads.

So then would it serve the brand right if advertisers were to kill themselves (and their planners) in trying to narrow down to this perfect consumer? ‘for the busy woman who works in a BPO or is an air-hostess’, says a client. He wants it in the body copy. Must we really bother with telling people that this product is for them? Can they not figure that out for themselves once they know what it does. Why must we specify it in such detail that perhaps even reduces the spill-over effect?

Enough has been said about the increasingly unhealthy silos people have created for themselves. They say social networking is pulling us apart instead of bringing us together.

If the product is customized, should the advertising be?

Advertising tells stories. Interesting, warm, funny, engaging stories. Stories that people want to share. Stories they want to, perhaps, hear again.

Perhaps then there is merit in using your exact definition of the TG in deciding your media plan.

And leaving brand planners to find that elusive culture sign that brings people together. Picking up that macro cultural trend that isn’t found in excel sheets but instead in the pulse of the nation.

Considering the decline of the collective consciousness thanks to micro-targeting, is it then time for us to not scoff at the client who says ‘my product is for all women’? Instead, find him a story to tell that brings people together and not just take the easy way out by micro-defining his TG for him. No wonder most average advertisements today are 30 second definitions of the TG, than what the brand’s story is.

in fond memory of yahoo chat

There was a time when yahoo chat rooms were ‘in’. a/s/l was the buzzword way before RT even existed.

The yahoo chatrooms allowed you to pretty much pick any topic of your interest and join in conversation with a bunch of people that you did not need to know. There was true exchange of ideas without having to break ice or know about the other person. Sure the occasional ASLs were exchanged and people took conversation off the group into the personal domain. But it really was the coolest thing ever. Don’t have friends that listen to western classical? Join the chat room for it and have intelligent and rewarding conversations with strangers from all over the world.

Twitter started out that way too. You could follow anyone you found interesting, without having to say hello or ask about his dog. You could follow his thoughts and the links he shared. Scott Frogg and Shashi Tharoor was suddenly within reach. You could shout out to them and engage in interesting conversation.

But somewhere along the way with @replies, people turned it into personal networks and group chat with many followers finding themselves in the middle of conversations that are useless to them. Is twitter now perhaps a FacebookLite.

With the demise of the yahoo chat room, where does today’s surfer go for interesting conversations without having to engage personally? Omegle?

the blog needs you :)

Hi

This blog’s been nominated under the Best Business Blog category for the

Indibloggies 2008 awards.

It’s up against some very famous older blogs and your vote will really count

It in category number 13. Vote here http://multivote.sparklit.com/web_poll.spark/21900

Thank you!

Here are the other nominees in the category:

Bhatnaturally

Gauravonomics

Ideasmarkit

India Business Blog

India PR Blog

Plugged.in

The India Street

The Money Maniac

The Ribbon Farm

So what’s the trend today?

Trends are like snitches in our world of advertising. They’re tough to spot and tougher to catch. But they sure help you win the game.

There are plenty of websites that you can subscribe to that send you latest trends from across the globe. (trendspotting trendhunter trendrr) There are plenty of advertising pundits too who spew trends at the speed of light.

I write about this today because I see that ‘trends’ and ‘insights’ are often abused. There is almost an angry rush to catch the trend or an insight for every piece of communication we do. And judging by the number of ads released in the market every day, our planners must be spewing insights by the hour

So I pose a question now – are trends simply observations of existing advertising?

Sample this:

Trend: ‘people are exploring their roots and being Indian is now cool’

Support: This trend could come from the observation that sanskrit language insititutes are seeing a rise in registrations, comparable to alliance francaise.

Now I can live with that. I can.

But I don’t see how trend-specialists can analyze existing advertising and pick trends from there.

Trend by trend-spewing ad-guru: ‘people are exploring their roots and being Indian is now cool’

Support by trend-spewing ad-guru: Fundamint talks about ‘being desi’.

You can’t observe an ad for fundamint and announce that being desi is a trend!

Why not? Because someone’s already thought of it and made an ad on it. Clearly you’re not spotting a trend then. You’re simply picking a trend in advertising. You’re no guru, I should think. Anyone can comment on the great work others do, doesn’t make you great strategist. Makes you a reporter.

Should a trend not come from observations made of the world which don’t include our own projection of it (advertising)? Or should we include advertising themes as part of social culture? But then it’s one big loop of a mess no?

Truth and advertising

I can see my friend Sultie smirking at this header. Truth and advertising is as much of a possibility as me and a raise. (but then that’s another story for another time)

You see, I read this post by Dave Trott where he spoke of the need to be honest. He said in advertising, like in life, you must be honest. While I completely appreciate the sentiment, advertising lies in its exaggeration. In drama. In romance.
Okay so you migt say, give the fancy schmancy to the consumer but at least be honest with the client.
Now I think we can still be honest to the consumer but it’s even tougher being honest to a client. As in any service industry, in advertising too, you get business per square inch of arse licking. Gross as it is, it’s true. Don’t be surprised if you think your agency is fabulous but the numbers are still heading south. It’s probably a case of your agency doing that horrid TVC to keep you happy knowing fully well that consumers won’t pick up your product even if you paid them.
There is a constant struggle in agencies, to maintain this balance. Keeping the client happy and keeping his brand happy. Unfortunately they never lie on the same plane. Clients pay us the money, no wonder then, that sometimes the see-saw weighs in favour of the brand manager who pays by square inch.