Yes, the World.

Fly from left

How do you go back?

How do you prevent all that’s happening at Mumbai right now? I for one have no answer. Not yet anyway. For now I just feel numb.

After over a hundred people have died, security officers killed and India held at gunpoint…

How does one go back to work to sell soaps or deodorants that make such little difference to the nation and our collective future?

CC: The Best CYA trick of all time

CYA is an in-built program that runs in every professional’s lazy-ass body.

It’s short for ‘Cover Your Ass’ and it’s just the thing to employ if you’re too scared of getting into trouble. (which by the way makes you a wuss according to me)

CC is great when you want to say something to someone but think it’d be a good idea for others to overhear just so that everyone’s on the same page.

But sample this….

ME is sonal
CHA is the man Covering His Ass and CC-ing 5 people who have absolutely nothing to do with the project.

—
MAIL1: 13:02pm
me: Please confirm that this is okay. (nobody CC-ed)

MAIL2: 13:10pm
CHA: Please add these images, they’re missing. Let me know if you need anything else. (CCs 5 ppl + CEO for no reason whatsoever. Did he expect the CEO to take my case for not adding those images?!)

MAIL3: 13:11pm
me: Thanks. I’ll be taking care of the final prints and submissions tomorrow. It’ll all be within deadline. Will send you a copy. (had to CC those 5 +CEO. sigh)

MAIL4: 13:13pm
CHA: Just to check, you’ll incorporate the images in the final prints right? The ones I just sent you! (5 ppl CC-ed + CEO)

—

I’m thinking GAWD! of course I will. I just replied to your mail!

By now I was pulling my hair out because there was no way I was going to CC 5 people to just say “yes”. So I just called him up and replied.

This is a typical exmaple of CYA where you feel safer about your ass knowing that the big fish know you did your bit and did it on time. You know… lest some scumbag try to pin the fault on you.

Tch. Tch.

Wuss!

CorpTalk can be all Ha Ha Hee Hee

‘Bad, server. no donut for you’ or something like that is what you get when orkut screws up. Or ‘oops…’ when gmail acts up.

I love a company with a sense of humour so here are a few examples I came across that I’d wanna share…

Mable’s shows you this when the page’s not found. Quite cute.

Sample this. Dilmah tea has it’s CEO picture and a line that says “one CEO who makes his own tea”

Any others I don’t know about yet?

Who cares who the advertising is for!

We advertisers hate to face it, but it’s true – we don’t know shit about the consumer.

Well we may know… but when it comes to describing the people who are most likely to buy our product, we fail miserably.

We describe stereotypes. Not people.

We think ‘youth’ is an ipod-toting, yo-ing, french bearded teenager in shorts-that-run-to-his-ankles.
Of course we could not be more wrong. Surely the youth of the country don’t fall into this category.

Sample this shopping cart that a middle aged, lower middle class family checked out at Shoprite. (accompanied by their 2 young children)

1. 3 Lux soaps
2. 1 pair of brown socks for the kiddo
3. 1 Dove soap
4. 1 pack Kamasutra (x20)
5. 1 Gatorade
6. 2 Amul Kool’s
and more…

Now for the life of me I’d have never figured

• They’d prefer a Kamasutra over the more mildly advertised Moods

• That the lady would refuse her daughter a small pack of pencils but splurge on a much more expensive Dove soap presumably for herself

• That they’d be the sorts to buy Gatorade (what with their kids not having any say in the purchase process, from what I witnessed)

So maybe we ought to focus more on making our ads more appealing rather than spending too much time defining that ideal target consumer. Because there sure as hell isn’t one.

I found myself a new job

If there’s one thing that really makes my blood boil, it’s people littering city as if the world’s a garbage dump.

On a recent train journey to Pune a lovely young (seemingly educated) couple threw a whole lot of stuff out the window into the ‘universal dustbin’ that is the world around us.

I thought to myself… (even though it was bloody hard to think with my temper rising by the second)

‘Maybe I should just stare at him and he’ll get the hint.’

So I gave him the stare. But he just looked confused

‘Maybe I should wait till he decides to chuck something else out and stop him then.’

So I sat and waited for him to start to chuck something out again. God! Those were the longest minutes of my life as he slowly munched his food on his soon-to-be-out-the-window-paper-plate.

Just as he reached out the window to chuck his plate I screamed

“WAIT-WAIT. DONT-THROW-IT-OUTSIDE!”

and I reached for his plate in an attempt to force it out of his hands and throw it in a dustbin. (totally filmy I tell you!)

So basically he apologized, and took it to the dustbin himself (I think!) and went on to tell another kid in our compartment to do the same and not chuck junk out the window.

He said to me

“Thanks for reminding me”

( which of course caused a big smug grin to surface on my face which I tried my best to hide with a book I was reading)

So I’ve decided that since I’m probably not going to be doing anything great for India, I might as well just take on the job of a cleaner.

Last evening I picked up two ticket stubs that this lady threw on the compartment floor. She noticed my clean-up-act but didn’t say anything. As for me, I was happy that 2 less ticket stubs littered mumbai last night.

Bulldozed!

human bull dozers exist.
it is a fact.

we have seen them.
been bull dozed by them.
and some of us may even be them.

perhaps it is only my experience, but most bull dozers tend to be middle aged aunties, not more than 5 feet in height. elbowing their way through a crowd with their head ducked low so as to enhance the bull dozer effect, I suppose.

They have a very purposeful look on their face. their eyes fixed on one imaginary point ahead, to which they must reach within seconds.

Upon reaching this imaginary point of course, and having elbowed scores of people in the process, they stand nonchalantly, as if they had been there all along. Their ducked head finds a dancer’s height as their noses now reach for the sky in a futile attempt at regaining dignity.

you’d think she’s the sweet next-door aunty who smiles and helps little kids along. But then your crushed toes and bruised ribs tell a different story.

here are a few tips on how to avoid the bulldozer

1. look out for sudden and magical separation in crowds. much like moses and the sea. you’ll know a bulldozer’s heading your way.

2. quickly check the people around you. if there are any middle aged women under 5 feet, try and steer clear of them.

3. look out for anyone with their elbows out. they look a bit like angry chickens out for revenge. also they tend to charge the most when trying to catch a bus or train.

as for me, i’ll just buy a relispray. Does that help with bruised ribs?

the really short story

Khyati showed me a site that runs a contest for the best short story. The only catch is that the story needs to be really short. 140 characters to be precise. A typical SMS limit.

My first thought was that it’s interesting, but I wondered if it would be any good.

So I visited their winners page and am now eating my words

Sample this!

‘The baby’s fine,’ the midwife says, touching her hand. ‘Bit of a scare there, but he’s a little fighter. Have you decided on a name yet, Mrs Hitler?’

‘I love you,’ she says just before he places the pillow over her face and presses down, hard. As her cancer-gaunt body stills, he feels his heart break.

‘Aren’t you the musical one son’ said Dad. ‘Don’t know where you get it from.’ Mum’s blush rose as the postman passed the window, whistling tunefully.

‘I’m home’ I yelled, entering the house. No response. In the kitchen my wife sobbed and hugged our son. ‘Daddy’s dead’ she whispered, looking through me.

Visit the site for more.

I propose a short story contest on my blog. Lemme invite a judge. Who knows, there may be prizes

war of sponsored links

back to basics

In a world of clutter, how does one little shop in Bandra stand out?

Whenever I go by SV Road Bandra, I can’t help but notice this little shop that is in the buisiness of healing broken bones.

It’s such a simple, clutter breaking… and err.. pretty straightforward shop sign

1. It visually depicts the services offered
2. Is understandable even if you are illiterate, thereby increasing number of possible customers
3. Shows smiling faces signifying positive results
4. Shows that it’s for both men and women, so women need not shy away

Anything else I missed out?

Next time you go by the road, try ignoring the shop with the weird picture of a man and woman with broken arms. You just cant

PS: I had to juggle with the steering wheel and the camera in a Bandra jam, but thankfully I managed a decent shot.